The internet is for porn

So I turned my Dad on to music file-sharing today, walked him through downloading Soulseek and everything. He's a blues DJ in P-Town, so I know that he will get totally into it once he figures it out. He's a pretty hep cat, but, like many of his generation, a bit behind on the whole computer age thing.

So I get him to install the program on his computer (over the phone) and during the lulls that inevitably surface during the conversation (waiting for a page to load, etc.) I tell him funny stories from my life over the past week.

One of them went something like this:

There was an accident near the place I work yesterday. I wasn't there, but my friend/co-worker/crush was, and he told me the story. He was inside, heard the sound of crunching metal, called the ambulance, and went outside to investigate and assist.

I won't go into the details, for fear of incriminating certain people I find deeply sexy and alluringly unattainable, but I will say that the words "vodka" and "roach" were involved.

Everyone was OK, and no one was intoxicated, just for the record. It was just a funny story, mainly because no one was hurt, and there was a pretty good punchline, which, again, I just can't get into here.

So I tell my Dad this story, and he announces that he's in, his download of Soulseek was successful. So I start walking him through the use of the program. And he comes across my username, which of course he recognizes, because he is one of five or so people in this world who know my offbeat middle name, which I often use online.

And he tells me on the phone that he is downloading my files.

Um, Okay, I say.

What? he asks.

No, it's cool, I say, it's just that, um, there are some files in there that are, um, maybe a little racy.

...

Like what? Asks Dad. Like Frank Zappa songs?

Um, well, no, more like, um, films. Of a certain type.

Oh. You mean Matt...

Well, actually, they're mine.

So yay!

I've managed to mention two types of substance abuse and porn in one conversation with my Dad.

his response?

With all appropriate dryness and dripping sarcasm, he says, I am... shocked. Simply... shocked.

What a great dad.